Top 10 Snappy Answers to Annoying Comments about Autism

1.
He can’t be autistic -- he can talk! (or make eye contact, smile, engage)
And yet, amazingly, he’s still autistic! Y’see, autism is a spectrum disorder, and that means …

2.
Oh, she must be SO good at math! (or science or music)
Actually, her great talent is in memorizing and reciting lines from Sponge Bob videos! (Or those annoying Thomas the Tank Engine songs!)

3.
All he needs is more discipline, and he’ll get the message.

Yup, it’s true -- if you give a child enough time outs, he’ll just stop being autistic.
And if I speak French to you loudly enough, you’ll become fluent!

4.
You poor thing, it must be so upsetting to have a child with a disability.

Yes, it can be hard. And pity really helps me to get through the day and feel better about myself and my child.
So…thanks so much!

5.
Will he be able to go to college (or get married or hold down a job)?
Hm. Good question.
By the way, has your daughter’s divorce been finalized yet? And I’m so sorry to hear that your son was recently laid off from his job…

6.
I have a friend whose child was autistic, and she cured him!
Wow! So I guess she’s enjoying the millions she made after figuring out how to cure autism? I bet her second home is a yacht!

7.
If she can’t behave properly, you shouldn’t BRING her to the grocery store!
Wow -- that would be great.
Should I fax you my grocery list, or send it by email? I’ll really enjoy the delivery service!

8.
We can’t include him in typical classes, it wouldn’t be fair to the other kids.

Hm, that’s an interesting perspective.
So I guess you have a pretty big endowment to pay for all the law suits? That must be great!

9.
We can’t accept her at our school because she doesn’t have a learning disability
Ohhhh… what a shame! Oh, wait, look, she’s suddenly developed dyslexia! Can she come to your school now?

10.
You should make more time for yourself!
You’re so right! So will you be babysitting tonight or tomorrow night?

Hahahahahahahaha! I love it. I mean, I don't love it when ignorant people decide to make stupid comments, but yeah, I love throwing sarcastic remarks back at them when I get the chance. The one I hate the most you kind of almost referenced but it's "Oh, your son's autistic? Did you know that Jennie McCarthy's son is Autistic too? I saw it on Oprah. She put him on some sort of diet and he's cured now!!!!" I swear if I hear that one more time I'm going to scream. Here's a couple that I've had:

Scene: Airport, where they made my then 3 1/2 year old son take off his shoes and took his car (basically his security blanket)away so they could put him through the metal detector and you can imagine the meltdown that ensued. After we got him calmed down, he began roaming the room. He passed by this woman who had the gall to say this to me.

Lady: Looks like someone needs to learn some C-O-N-T-R-O-L! (Yes, she spelled it out)
Me: My son's autistic, I'm sorry if he's bothering you.
Lady: (Sympathetic look on her face) Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that! But he's so cuuuuuuuuuute!!!
Me: Right, because cute children can't have autism...

(I related this to Richard's teacher and she laughed and said "Didn't you know that's actually one of the primary symptoms? They have to be cute and adorable?" lol....)


OK... here's another one.

We were at SAMS, I don't remember what we were doing, but he was upset about something. He entered into full meltdown mode and I was trying to calm him down. We were up in front of the registers and over by the food court area. Of course everyone was staring. I didn't even offer an explanation of autism this time, I was just too exhausted and busy to have to deal with everyone else... I was simply trying to calm him down. So at first, I addressed the crowd with a glare saying "Yes? Can I help you?" and that pretty much dispersed most of them. But one lady stayed and just stayed like we were a circus act. So I looked her dead in the eye and said, "Keep staring. Perhaps we'll do a trick for you!" That pretty much got her moving on about her business.


One more, just for fun. This one was when Richard was also about 3 1/2.

At a mall in Tampa, Richard something triggered a meltdown at the opposite end of the mall from where we were parked, meaning my husband had to do a fireman's carry all the way through the mall with him kicking, screaming and carrying on to get to where we were parked. I followed behind, but I wasn't quite as fast. I heard all kinds of comments... but I didn't reply to any of them because I was trying to catch up to them.

One lady said "My God! That boy could be a siren!" I turned and gave her a dirty look and rushed off in the direction of Colin and Richard.

"Some brat's screaming, sorry what did you say?" Said another man into a cell phone.

Several others stopped what they were doing to watch the spectacle... I did stop to take the time to inform them that Richard was autistic and just had a meltdown and that everything was OK, he's not being stolen or anything. One man looked at me and asked me "That's your son? Jeez, I'm sorry... I can't believe that he can make such a loud sound!" I just walked away, again trying to catch up.

As we tried to get Richard into the van, he's throwing an all out tantrum. He's raining kicks and slaps upon Colin as he tries to get him into the car seat (back then he fought any and all restraints, even on a good day) and still screaming on the top of his lungs. Colin is doing nothing but dodging the blows or catching the occasional hand or foot before it gets to his body. He's also telling him at the same time "No hitting! Calm down!" But really, any rationalization is pretty much out of the question for Richard at this point. We just needed to get on the road because he usually calmed down once the car started moving.

A lady walks by while we were getting him in his seat and stops at the back of the van, she looks in and stares at Colin. Then I see her look down and note our license plate number. This is when I got out to talk to her. "This is our son, Richard. He's autistic and is just extremely upset at the moment." I tell her. "Everything's OK, I promise you." She says with a thick accent, "I have son too, please don't hit your son." :O I assure her, "We're not hitting him! He's actually hitting us! We would't dream of touching him! We're just trying to get him in the car. I swear we're not hitting him!" This lady, who now has tears welled up in her eyes, says "Please, just don't hurt your son!!" and she walks away. What the hell? It seemed like maybe she had a language barrier and likely had no clue what autism was, and also probably had some deep rooted abuse issues... but it left us with our mouths gaping and hoping that the cops wouldn't come knocking at our door...


Anyway, those are just a few of my favorites. I have tons, as I'm sure everyone does. But yeah, let's hear it for public stupidity and ignorance.

that's crazy... sounds like the lady at the Tampa mall had some issues, jeez. There is absolutily no way to please the public.. if we have our kids running around next to us in the store, our kids are out of control. If we use one of those monkey backpack harness', we are treating our kids like dogs, oh and if we put our child in the cart, and they meltdown, the kid is a brat.. Want to hear some crazy shit... we were in walmart, Kailey was freaking out over god knows what, this was about a year ago maybe.. and this lady walks by and says "my kid never be actin like like, or he'd get an asswhoopin" exact words. I give up trying to explain my daughter to public jerks.. She's not dx with Autism or A.S., she's diagnosed with sensory integration disorder, and social anxiey d/o. Any way I told one lady, sorry, Kailey has sensory issues and is overstimulated. This woman said "so that's what they call it now, in my day it was a undisiplined child"

And if I didn't have a child in my arms in those moments.. I swear... LOL

Yeeeeeeeeah.... People+Public=Jerks. For the most part, I just ignore them because they don't deserve an explanation. The only time I do is if it looks like he's being stolen (Like if he's running away from us and screaming, and we have to haul him up and rush out of wherever) or something like that... Just so I don't have to answer to the cops or CPS or something.

But yeah, like you, for the longest time (Until he was about 3 1/2 or so) Richard didn't have an autistic diagnosis either, he was just "Speech Delayed" or "Developmentally Delayed"... So, really we had no real excuse to offer. Sometimes we'd say that he had a speech delay and he didn't understand and people would just roll their eyes, like what you said... "Oh, whatever excuse you can give so that you can explain away your bad parenting skills." I've had people call him spoiled right to my face before (and this was someone I knew, someone my husband has known since childhood), amongst other things. It's amazing what people will do. Sometimes I feel like just handing him over and saying, "You think you can do better? Go for it." See how they do for even 20 minutes. lol...

haha..yeah I've said that to my mom a few times, you take her for the entire day,and see if you can handle her. Kailey has NEVER EVER in her life been "babysat" for more than an hour or two at the most!! and that's only with my mother. Why hasn't family just taken her out for the heck of it?? Answer: They are not brave enough LOL. Not that I want Kailey to have a meltdown, she hasn't had one in a couple week, I'll have to look at the hbot journal to see..but when or if she has another complete meltdown, I hope my mom is here...because if she is, My happidy butt is going for a ride, just for 20 minutes or so.. that way she can get a "taste" of what it feels like, not being able to console a child. She was having a COMPLETE meltdown one day, and I called my mom.. my mom say "put her on the phone, she'll calm down" umm...yeah.. No mom, she will throw the phone to be honest. If I call my mom exausted after one of these meltdowns, my mom say's "you should have brought her over, I could have put a stop to that" I love my mom to death, but she insinuates (sp) that I am a pushover for a mother.. I don't know what will happen, in regards to diagnosis, whether they will say she's normal now, or she has A.S. or something.. I'm supposed to bring her back to the developmental ped when she is 3 *may* but I need to find one that her insurance covers, she has CMS and this doc that I brought her to 6 months or so ago charges $280 freeking dollars.

You know what? I AM working on enrolling in college! For the career of my dreams! Would you like me to tell you more? I've got a lot to say!

Number 5, i"m sorry!

#2 is good knowledge for my prospective career! Wanna know?

YEah!!!

I'm currently enrolling in online school at the Art Institute of Pittsburgh Online. If you know that school, you know it's a pretty good one right? Remember I wanted to create cartoon characters and write story plots? I'll be studying animation! Good career for an Aspie, right? Their administrators are working well with me and hopefully I'll be enrolled by early April. And you know what? I cvan pitch a show idea right upon becoming a student. My biggest supporters are my KC Roller Warriors roller derby gals and asperger's support groups. I'm searching for testimonials. Would you like to give one to the Art Institute?
Online school is an EXCELLENT study option for an Aspie. I can give details later. I think I will really enjoy online college and being what I've always dreamed of being-a cartoon writer!

This Forum is better than I thought-Not only are we all on the same page with the publics ignorance(I have many many stories myself-actually got so upset about it one day I wrote a blog and 85% of the people responded apologizing in general because they did not realize how ignorant they were at times) but also because there happens to be another fellow forum lover whos child attended the same IVE class as my daughter!!! MRS KELLY NELSON! I have to send her a note!

Yep, Kelley is awesome..and Richard and Kailey (my daughter) play so good together =D we actually went to middle school together. I'm so glad you joined!!!!

Heather72 wrote:This Forum is better than I thought-Not only are we all on the same page with the publics ignorance(I have many many stories myself-actually got so upset about it one day I wrote a blog and 85% of the people responded apologizing in general because they did not realize how ignorant they were at times) but also because there happens to be another fellow forum lover whos child attended the same IVE class as my daughter!!! MRS KELLY NELSON! I have to send her a note!

Oh really? When did your daughter go? Ms. Wudtke is awesome. We think she is just awesome.

Thanks for the wonderful welcome, Kims the name right? Dr K told me all about you and the wonderful job you do keeping this site showing a plethera of information

Kelley-My daughters name is Ava-I don't necessarily feel the same about Mrs Nancy but that is neither here nor there. I am definitely not in the business of publically slandering someone especially to someone who thinks so highly of her. Everyone has different opinions, and I am sure I can change yours of her with what Ive seen but again, neither here nor there...
On a lighter note-your son Richard is absolutely amazing. I spent many mornings playing and talking to him, he has so much potential! It would be nice to know he remembers me-would you tell him I said hello please?

I will tell Richard hi for you. I think I remember meeting you and your husband and Ava as well at least once when you first brought Ava to the classroom. Thank you for your kind words. I'm not sure what has happened with you and Ms. Nancy, but I know she has been nothing but good for Richard and he is the way he is today because of her. I know that class isn't necessarily for everyone though. I also know she also struggles with school and district support, so it's hard sometimes to get the supplies and things she needs to run the class as needed sometimes. Sorry again to hear you had a rough time. Hopefully you find something that fits you and your family better. *hugs*

I do understand that class is not for everyone. I am so glad that Richard is doing well, and I have said even through my complaints that I am sure she has helped children before so there is no doubt in my mind there are many more that feel the same as you, and that is in an odd way-refreshing.
I am thankful for your kind words as well, Ava is doing much better. Once we left the class Ava started at another school and in the first day she started talking, taking naps without her binky (which is something we never thought we would rid of) and the "tantrums" stopped, immediately. She is a totally different kid, we are so pleased. This new teacher to me is Mrs Wudtke to you, a wonderful help in the efforts of reaching our childs full potential.
Hope this isnt the last time we speak! Take care!

Ava will be 4 in November
We went to a consultation yesterday about the hyperbaric chamber-very interesting.
What are your thoughts on it? Were you the parent on the news clip on Bay News 9?
I would love to come to a meeting, free food? LOL what all takes place at the meetings?

HBOT is Amazing. You can actually read our journal on here, under the forum "hbot and patient journals" It's pretty long, it should be longer LOL.. Yes, I was the one on baynews 9. I have more video's I can show you from before too. Pretty much Kailey was scared of most everything, everybody except immidiate family before, now she's Mrs. Social!! Her vocab has doubled, and she had a huge vocabulary to start with, actually she was talking before she walked. She started sleeping through the night, the meltdowns have decreased significantly. I can go on and on about the changes, some are noticable within the same day of the treatment. We give her meletonin before going into the "special tent" as we call it, because she is VERY sensitive to sounds, the last 2 sessions, we put headphones on her, and she actually wore them. It helps. She cries at first, but then is asleep within 5 minutes. After she is asleep, most of the time, I can sneak the oxygen mask over her face *the adult size* so it's not touching her..or she would wake up. Oh, she also POTTY TRAINED herself after the treatments!!!!!! She's still in occupational therapy, but has progressed so much, her allergist commented on her last visit on how different Kailey was, and asked what we were doing. It's very apperent to people who saw her before the treatments, then see her now. Pretty much the meeting are parents getting together, talking about IEPS, etc. We usually have a speaker, I don't know about this upcoming meeting yet. No food at the meetings It's at the library, so they only allow bottled water.... Please check out our journal =D talk to you soon, Kim

KelleyNNelson wrote:

Heather72 wrote:This Forum is better than I thought-Not only are we all on the same page with the publics ignorance(I have many many stories myself-actually got so upset about it one day I wrote a blog and 85% of the people responded apologizing in general because they did not realize how ignorant they were at times) but also because there happens to be another fellow forum lover whos child attended the same IVE class as my daughter!!! MRS KELLY NELSON! I have to send her a note!

Oh really? When did your daughter go? Ms. Wudtke is awesome. We think she is just awesome.

Forgot to ask you...where do you blog, I have a myspace and facebook..

Heather72 wrote:I do understand that class is not for everyone. I am so glad that Richard is doing well, and I have said even through my complaints that I am sure she has helped children before so there is no doubt in my mind there are many more that feel the same as you, and that is in an odd way-refreshing.
I am thankful for your kind words as well, Ava is doing much better. Once we left the class Ava started at another school and in the first day she started talking, taking naps without her binky (which is something we never thought we would rid of) and the "tantrums" stopped, immediately. She is a totally different kid, we are so pleased. This new teacher to me is Mrs Wudtke to you, a wonderful help in the efforts of reaching our childs full potential.
Hope this isnt the last time we speak! Take care!

Ok, I have to ask....the day after she quit the class, she started talking, taking naps, and the tantrams stopped??????? how??

I will check out the hbot journal-we definitely want to try it, just not sure yet-it's still up in the air. If I have any questions after reading it do you mind me contacting you?

The very first day.
Trust me I know it sounds crazy, impossible, questionable-but it's true.
My daughter pays so much attention-will join in in conversations when before we couldnt get her to HOLD eye contact or interest. The change list is actually longer than what I stated in the first message, if you can believe it. Basically her first day at her new school was not only a wonderful day to be Avas parents but also an eye opener as well. Environment is everything. She loves going to school and they have many many more lessons going on during the day than what we were used to. Circle time twice-PE/Outside time twice-The classrooms are like night and day. Even the students are happier at the new place. In the morning you walk in and everyone greets you with smiles and etc- the teacher has two circle times and morning jobs that you have to do before starting and many techniques that are just.... working! I cant believe they can get her to take a nap and she no longer uses a binky-AND IS OK WITH IT! She is open to trying more foods-she is just excelling and we love it. We heard nothing but negative about Ava from the last place she was at... this new school has not even had any of the issues there were once complaints on... amazing! There is so much more to tell but am needing to get Miss Ava in bed I love speaking of Ava's triumphs and am really interested to hear more of your daughters! take care!!!

Feel free to contact me anytime. I'd write more but I have to get to bed. I'm wide awake, even after taking seroquel, we moved to my mom's, this is the 2nd night here..so it's very very weird being here. After tomorrow, we'll have the "old" house cleaned out, and then it might feel ok, job done..now move on if you know what I mean.