More... and now I'm really pissed.
"I am about to do something that I doubt many or anyone has ever done to you. I am going to let you have it. So if you are not up for the same level of criticism you dish out then just stop reading now. I do this out of concern not spite.
If my posting a comment about not putting faith in men and material things feels like a slap in the face then it did exactly what it was suppose to do. That means it struck a nerve with a problem that you have. If you don't put your faith in God then it has to go somewhere else. It seems that you are disappointed and upset with me. That means you put too much faith in me. I am a human. I will and do make mistakes.
You want to talk about slapping someone in the face? What about you! I want you to know I do not feel this way about you but want to point some things out. I always let you have full control of your schedule from day one. You had the complete freedom to adjust your work schedule around your personal needs. WOW, what a rare opportunity to have that from an employer. WOW, you even got paid for hours you did not work during the slow time. Guess there is no sense of appreciation or understanding on your part how great you had it.
When Colin got that wonderful raise last October you were so happy and I was sincerely happy for you and your family. You want to know what started right after that raise, you missing a whole lot more work. Being out an entire week at a time. Not once but three times. In a four month period there were only three weeks you came in all five days. All the other weeks were a dismal attendance record. You see, I had to sell to myself that it was time to part ways. Customers were calling Stan complaining about work being late. Customers were calling me and complaining. It is my job to deal with those angry phone calls. It is also my job to fix the problem no matter how painful the solution might be. I am sure you think that I should have done something else. But I did not. No matter what decision one makes, it can turn out to be the wrong one but a decision still has to be made.
You seemed to have lost a desire to work here. You made no attempt to alter your schedule. It is not my job to get you to show up. That is your responsibility. You had the freedom to do whatever worked best for you, not what was always in the best interest of the company. Then Dave calls me and asks if he could ask you to help him out. I only said yes because it was Dave. Once again, talk about slapping someone in the face. There was a Saturday you worked there after not coming in here at all. That speaks volumes to me your heart was no longer in working here. At the same time I am getting resume after resume from people that need and want to work. Faced with angry customers, an upset boss and being compassionate about lots of people being out of work, does it seem so outrageous that I let you go? Then I guess I am such a bad guy because instead of letting you go with no notice I gave you two weeks notice. Do you really think I believed you were going to fully train your replacement and that was my sole motive for keeping you those two weeks? Did I not give you the option of not staying those two weeks? Anything that did get passed down would have been a plus and you did teach her some things but by no means did you truly train your replacement. Do you not think that I was not criticized for keeping you those two weeks and the possible damage you could have done with being disgruntled? That was a huge risk I took by giving you two weeks to get things in order for becoming unemployed. You know full well companies escort people off the premises when they let someone go. You were treated at the opposite end of that spectrum. Once again something that seems to have been lost in understanding what was done for your benefit, not what was in the best interest of the company.
You have this knack for making everything someone else's fault why you have such a rough time. Here is a statement you really need to learn. No Excuses, Just Reasons. Stop all the excuses.
It does no one any good to keep saying my son is autistic and always will be. If I took that same attitude with my own children and the problems that they face (which you know nothing about) I would become the same angry and bitter person you have become. You need to understand he is your son and that is all he is. I have friends who have birth children with far worse problems than Richard. They have many children. They do not define their children by their weaknesses but their strengths. That is the way we should approach each person and ourselves. I have weakness and shortcomings and you seem to have no inhibitions in pointing them out. Well, it is time you started to take accountability for your own actions. Something you have not done with me or how you treated your employer.
To be angry and criticize someone of making more money than you, come on. Here is a clue, no matter how much money you make, someone will always make more money than you. You think I am about money and material things since you say I am hypocritical for my post? My wife and I choose that she not work. She has a BS in Sociology and Criminology. You don't think she could not get a very well paying job. When she did work she always made more money than me until the last year she worked. If I was all about money why would we we make that choice. After she stopped working, (which was actually brought about from the company she ran for eight years closing because the owner did not want to work in the business any more) we struggled. We even got to the point where we were three days away from having the house foreclosed on. So you can not begin to think I do not understand what hard times are like. Good grief our house payment was $330 a month and we couldn't keep up with that.
So what I do know about being in debt is no excuses just reasons. We made a lot of bad choices and never planned for bad times. Most people make that same mistake. It is all about taking control of what you are responsible for. It is your responsibility to not get in over your head. It is your responsibility to get out of it. It is your responsibility to keep your job if you want one. People always want to be treated as responsible adults right up to the point when they screw up and don't want to take the effort to fix the problem themselves. There is nothing wrong with asking for help but the effort has to be done from within.
Kelley, once again I apologize if you feel I treated you unfairly. I apologize that I came across as intentionally hurting you and your family. Also know that I have forgiven you without you asking how you have treated me and this company. We are human, we sin, we fall, we need to forgive and grow from our mistakes and trials.
I only wish the best for you and your family.
PS- Paul Draper's grandmother passed away last night. This makes all of our bickering seem rather silly does it not?"
"All things aside, let me get one thing straight... this has absolutely nothing to do with my son nor his autism. How dare you bring that up and throw that in my face? You don't know what Autism is or what it's like bringing up a child with Autism. I didn't bring your kids into this, nor do I care to, whatever their "problems or issues" may be. You're lucky enough to have a wife at home to be able to take care of them full time. We do not have that luxury. I have never and will never use it as an excuse nor a crutch. If anything, very few people with the exception of the people who know me the best even know about it. In fact, I believe there were very few at work that knew of his autism. Sharon, Sue, Lisa... Maybe Gizmo, only because he asked about why he'd changed so much. That's it I think. I don't even like talking about it. I had to talk about it with you because for one, that's why I was out for 2 weeks straight... In JANUARY. Not in October, after my husband's raise. I was out occasionally in November for nerve blocks in my back. I can get you doctor's notes if you want, but you knew about all of my doctor appointments, they went on your calendars. The third week I was out in January was out of sheer depression. I could not get myself out of bed because I was left dealing with a cycling nearly manic-depressant child who at a whim would melt down and beat and kick me when things didn't go his way for two weeks straight. This, if you recall is when I started seeing a psychiatrist for depression. You, like many others I assume and think Richard is spoiled, I see it in your eyes like many others when I speak about it. You know nothing. Why don't you look up autism and educate yourself?
I often speak of his strengths, and if you'd have paid attention, I was always going around boasting about him at work. To you as well, I believe. Did you know he can read at a 1st or 2nd grade level at age 5 and goes to special classes to do these things? Or do math at a 1st grade level and will go to special classes for these as well? I've been boasting about his reading and number skills forever, like since he was 2. Did you know that he knows practically every make and model of almost every car on the road? You should... That's another one I talk about frequently. I'm very proud of my son. I love him dearly. How dare you say I think otherwise?
You want to know what my days were like back then? If Richard was resisting school, I had to call in late, help physically restrain him to get him dressed and then drive while my husband physically restrained him in the car until we got to school. Then, we got to carry him, kicking and screaming all the way to the classroom and then leave him with him begging us not to. Then after we get back home to get the other car, I get to go to work, do whatever it is that I do... I apologize if I wasn't as enthusiastic as you'd have liked me to be about it at that point. After work, I got to leave and pick up my son and take him back to my parents' house, where when my little sisters got home, it would be a constant battle because he wanted to play with them. They didn't want to play with him because all he wants to do is play cars. Why? He's autistic. He fixates on one thing - again, look it up. It happens to be cars for him. The girls aren't into that. So I got to spend 5 or 6 hours holding them apart, with my son yelling, kicking and screaming for the other kids to play with him and the other kids ignoring him until my husband got home so I could go relax for an hour or so until it was time for our bedtime routine. So if I didn't always have the company's best interest at hand, pardon me. If I seemed a little disenchanted with my job, pardon me as well. Things plain went to shit shortly after we moved in with my parents, which is exactly why we moved out. But the thing of it is that I got the brunt of all the bad stuff, and I wasn't exactly holding up, I felt a failure as a parent, and had many other feelings that just made me feel worthless to everyone. Nobody gave me any support. Not. One. Single. Person. No one had the time. And that includes you, because you never cared to listen or brushed it off as "me making excuses again." You just have no idea.
As I mentioned before, we don't have the luxury of having a full time parent to take care of him. I made the less amount of money, so when something went wrong, it fell to me to take care of him. In other words, I had to miss work to take care of him when he'd been up all night not sleeping (which if you look up autism, is a common symptom) and then he'd finally pass out from pure exhaustion when it was time for him to go to school. Is that an excuse? Sure, call it one if you like. I'll just leave my sleeping son by himself and go to work because it's better for *your* company. When he was melting down fully to the point of us not even being able to restrain him and get him into school, again... am I supposed to just leave him home and go to work anyway? What did you expect me to do Mike? Really?
And you know I was having serious health problems, most of it stemming from Richard's increasing behavioral problems, which unfortunately stemmed from our moving in with my parents. It was something we never would have guessed would happen, but it did. I tried to deal with my health issues the best I could. Some of them had been there long before, but got worse. Others appeared out of nowhere and took me by surprise, like the depression. I'd never known depression like that before, and I hope I never do again. Luckily, I have good doctors and good insurance, but unfortunately it also meant that I had to miss some more work here and there... again, I'm sure I can produce doctors notes for you, but they'd all be on your calendars.
As far a the Dave thing goes... He happens to be my friend too, ya know? He happened to email me last minute for me to call him, I even emailed you about this. Look back through your emails. This was the week I was going through my depression. I called him, told him I couldn't do it because I hadn't even been to work for you in god knows how long. He told me about their situation and that it would only be for a few hours on Saturday. Honestly, this is what I needed. I needed time with an old good friend for a while doing something I loved. I know, composites... but I love doing them, what can I say. So finally I told him sure, I'd do it. I even told you it was not anything personal and I hoped you'd not take it that way. Obviously you did. Plus, quite honestly, I needed the money at that point since I'd gone so long without working. It did me good seeing Dave, it did me good being in an old familiar place, working on an old familiar machine, doing old familiar jobs... Especially by myself. It gave me a lot of time to think things through, and by the next day, believe it or not, I was a different person.
I don't make excuses. When I do something wrong, I fully admit it. I've never brushed something off onto anyone else in my life. You may think you know me, you don't. You especially don't know the hell I was going through during those last four months of my employment. And I don't think you would have cared even if you did. You also don't know the hell I went through leaving my parents in the lurch by moving... My dad still won't talk to me or have anything to do with me for it. But we had no choice. They may lose their house because of me, I'll have to deal with that... but we had no choice.
As far as all the opportunities you gave me, I always graciously accepted them and thoroughly thanked you. I always offered to pay you back for the money you gave me, and you always said not to worry about it. That was your choice to do so, and again... I always thanked you for it. Don't try to go back and guilt me about it now, it has no bearing on this situation. I was kind of stuck in those hours at that point with Richard at school... I didn't know what to do. The thought of working late nights didn't really hit me until the proverbial shit hit the fan and smacked me right in the face, and again... at that point, you were not willing to deal.
You are right about one thing though. We all do make mistakes, and you're right. Mine was that I did put too much faith in you. I trusted you. I trusted Stan. I trusted the company to understand and help me through my difficult time. I'm not angry nor am I criticizing you for making more money than me, that was never the point. We've all been through rough patches, hell, I've been through rougher patches than this... homeless once, living out of a motel and the good grace of a friend for a week until I could get back on my feet again. I've come a long way since then, and I do accept (and I mentioned this before) the responsibility for my debt at this point... But you know what? It likely wouldn't have gotten this out of control if you guys could have believed in me that things were eventually going to even out, because you know what? They did. How 'bout that.
Forgiveness doesn't mean a whole lot to me, besides I don't feel I've done a thing to be forgiven for anyway, other than live my life and care for my family the best way I know how. But you know what I do believe in? What comes around goes around.
Regardless with all that said, I do wish nothing but the best for you and your family as well... I would never wish harm on another human being.
Please give my regards to Paul, I feel terrible for him in his time of loss.
But by the way, that was pretty low by bringing this up in this particular conversation to use it to make me feel guilty about our disagreement. It didn't work by the way.
Oh, and by the way... if you think you're the first or even one of the first to "let me have it," you're sorely mistaken, I promise you. You must have me mistaken for someone else."